Hoover Building

While depression is a constant that I must fight, it has seemed really bad recently. That makes me fight harder to keep myself going, but it takes a toll. I find it hard to deal with some things and then I get frustrated and angry. Usually, this ends with something getting violently destroyed. This time, not so much. I am still in a funk, but I am working through it with my writing. Hopefully this will keep up and I can actually get something written for a change.

In the mean while, I am tired and need sleep. Will get some soon.

I cannot fucking believe I did that.

I posted my personal post to Multi_fiction. I am so fucking stupid sometimes, I swear! Worse yet, I didn't notice it until hours later when I was checking my friends page. Oh, dear sweet Martha Stewart, take me now!

I am going to quietly hide in my room for a while and wait until I die.

For the past 2 days I have had plenty of both. First, my used phone has been getting texts from these idiot tweens who have absolutely no business owning a phone. Yes, they are layover from when my nephew had the phone. It's absolutely frustrating when they believe you are not you, but him. Tonight I ended with Fuck Off to this latest moron. After 10 texts of me telling her to stop texting me, I am not him, she still thought I was him. Switching to my old tween vernacular, Brain Dead Much? What-ever! And to date myself, poof, brick wall!

The cold weather. Ah, the cold weather! Forget what they said in the news, the winds here have been a constant 30+, with gusts of over 60 mph. My family has lived through 3 hurricanes that I can remember, we can judge winds. The trampoline, yeah, it flew on top of the barn, through the walnut tree. It was stuck there, until the wind blew it out, taking several limbs with it. Mum and dad finally got it wrangled to the barn and tied down. Our decks, trees, yard, driveway, everything has nice ice patches wherever the wind could find purchase.

Absolutely lovely! *Snorts* NOT!

You have no idea how much I hate having to switch to twit mode. Martha Stewart give me strength!

My parents said I could have it last weekend, but I finally dug it out last night. It was my nephew's, but he's screwed up so badly he will never get it back. Mum is still paying for it, and leaving it in the drawer is a waste of money. Thus, I have a used phone.

The battery is just fine, but the case cover for it is broken since my sister was in a car accident with it a few years back. It is a moto razr, *stupid name*. The only thing really wrong with it is the power cord. Don't know if this the cord, the plug in to the phone, or the power cord jack on the phone itself, but I have to jiggle the shit out of it to get it to charge. It works, though, so, PHONE!

Now, I have no one to call, so......now you know why I never really wanted a phone.

At least now I have my own phone for when I get a job. That's right. When I get one. Job. The contract on this phone is up in 16 months, so.....yeah. You never know, someone might actually hire my ass by then. Right?


Right?


Also, if you notice my age and the fact I am still living with my parents, I will have to hurt you.

I started the next fic in the Dead Like Vin verse. It will involve the old west. The third fic, however, will jump to the early-mid twentieth century. I think this one will be a little longer than I had intended, which will be okay.

Also in the works, a 25,000 word Space: Above and Beyond fic. Debating right now whether I want to include mpreg or not. As you know, I don't just slot it in to any fic, that there is a reason for it in my other mpreg fics, (yes, even my crack fics).

Doing a little STXI ficlet before I switch over to the novella I started a few months back. There are a few plots I have been kicking around that have hijacked it. When I decide how to weave them in to the story proper, I will start it up again. In the mean while, my character voices in the fandom have become rusty and I need to do this ficlet to get them back.

Don't worry, TK, I will get to your birthday ficlet, I promise. There is just the problem with Spock/Ronon that you want in it. I've taken to feeling him as a bottom for Kirk lately and need to work his Dom mojo. So, Spock/Chekov, because Chekov is such a sweet bottom...or is that he has such a sweet bottom?

Wow, despite the chill outside, this is certainly turning out to be a toasty thanksgiving. Gotta go to my aunt and uncle's this afternoon. Might get something done before then, hopefully. If not, tomorrow definitely.

Toodles, ducks. Enjoy your day wherever you are no matter how you have to spend it.

I am feeling a lot better than I did 2 days ago. There is still some soreness, nose still runs like a leaky faucet at times. Other than that, I am fine. Ribs still hurt from the coughing, though.

Am thinking up a new idea for a M7/DLM ficlet. Haven't decided which one to write, though.

Considering where to apply next. I know it is a little late, but I am tired of getting no where. At least applying I feel somewhat productive.

What started out from a piece of chewed food getting stuck in my nasal cavity from an inopportune sneeze has morphed in to a sinus congestion from getting a cold. I have been going through tissues and toilet paper like there is no tomorrow.

It sucks!

Oh well, going to try and write something this morning just to see if I can.

So much has happened outside my little world over the past week. I won't go in to great detail, but suffice to say I have nearly had an emotional break down. For the last several weeks I have been in a funk over the state of my life. With no job, no place of my own, no license, and complete dependence upon my parents for everything, I am seriously depressed.

( rant about relatives and the relative lack of jobs )

I hate stupid, thoughtless people.

My brother is stationed at Fort Hood, he was working there today. He is fine, but things are all crazy down there. Those guys have been through shit with all these multiple deployments and now this. I have no idea what the government is thinking, but this was the inevitable result. If they keep it up, there will no doubt be more. Our service personnel deserve better treatment and they are not getting it.

This is a disgrace on them and that poor soul who did this. My heart is with the families of all the victims.

After nineteen months, I have finally ventured back to post on LJ once again. I even sighed up for that damnedable LJ IM. Heaven help the lonely.

This sucks.

Back to writing.

My cat has these 2 tops it loves to play with. They are cheap dime store knockoffs that used to light up when you spun them. Now, there is one and I can't find the other. The cat goes nuts for this thing, even going so far as to walk around with the handle in its mouth to move it from place to place. It looks like Maggie from the Simpsons with a pacifier. Anywho, I found it this morning when sweeping the kitchen and fished it out for him. Then, he and I were batting it back and forth while I was washing my hands at the sink, and I stepped on it by accident. It is partially broken, but he remains undeterred.

What the hell does this have to do with me posting?

Nothing, just thought you would enjoy a cute story.

Well, there is that, and the fact I am writing a sad story in STXI fandom right now. It is an unrequited story between Chekov and Spock. Chekov is longing for Spock, and Spock only sees him as a bright student. *sighs*

It's been over a week since I decided to take a week off. There isn't much to tell about how it went. A few non-writing things have happened. None of them important to the cause, though. Needless to say I feel a little less hectic about the whole thing. Did it give me sudden inspiration? No. I feel as clouded and lost as ever. I suppose that is just a state of normal for me.

It could have gone worse. I probably got off a little easier. Had I been addicted to writing, I would have gone through hell. As it was, I could go for another week without it. Thing is, I am bored. No matter how the lack of feedback might make me feel, I miss being able to dictate how things turn out on paper, so to speak.

Only, what to write? I have no idea. Gotta watch a week's worth of Criminal Minds episodes for TK, though. I hope to have her birthday fic written by next weekend.

Until next post, gueten tag.

I am back to plotting. I know, I need to wait a week, but my birthday is today. I want to plot. I am so bored.

I know no one will ever read this and respond, so I won't solicit plots for ficlets again. Just a warning, I will be trying to come up with quick ideas.

Shits. Sucks. Monsters. Fun, fun, fun!

Well, it's come down to this.

I don't want to write any more. I am tired of it, I just want to relax and let my brain go fallow for a season.

What does this mean?

For a week I am going to just avoid writing if I can. It is just too much trouble to try because I sit here for hours on end and come up with zip. So, that is it. I am going to avoid writing, and hope that when I get back to it, in a week at the most, I will be reenergized and ready to try it again.

Someone better suited for the job. That was the excuse I just got from Taco Bell. Better suited for an entry level clean up/taco stuffer? Who the fuck is better suited, Jose Lopez? I know you can get an illegal for only a dollar a hour, and it would be authentic mexican too.

Why I do even fucking try? Used to be you could walk in to a fast food joint and they would slap a hat on your ass and put you to work. Now, you've gotta have a fucking degree in civil engineering to operate a spatula! They're hiring kids still in fucking highschool that can't even do the fucking job they're trained to, but someone like me has to have prior experience to operate a washcloth and a mop. Well, asswipes, I do, but even that's not good enough because the last time I got paid for it was 9 years ago.

Those cunts can go fuck themselves, I'm through.

I was waiting for a phone call from a perspective employer. This midday when I awoke, I found the phone had no power. The plug had become partially unplugged thanks to the fucking cat and my gram's dog. It had been that way for possibly a hour. The last time I got a call from this place was just after noon. I got up today at 12:30. Yeah, I am not fucking happy!

Yeah, you know this wouldn't have been a fucking issue is mum had gotten that god damned old phone like I had asked her. It doesn't require a god damned power source, and I can call out even if the power is gone.

In other news, got a call last night from Taco Bell. I go in for an interview tomorrow at 3. It's taken 2 weeks, but I've finally gotten a couple calls. By weeks end, I will probably be still waiting for a job. That's my life.

Now off to EBay to check for old touch-tone phones I can get.

Okay, I had planned on talking about my day and how my feet had killed me. Instead, I am just going to scream like a little girl and do the dance of the wiggins.

Little Background info: About two weeks ago I ran in to a Wheel Bug. It is a giant Assassin Bug that feeds on insects for their liquid insides. How it does that is only part of it's 'charm'. It is over an inch long and looks mighty vicious. It is to anyone who fucks with it, as it can bite the piss out of you. That isn't the freakiest part of it, though. These fuckers look like something out of 'The Mist'.

As anyone who has read my views on 'The Mist' can tell you, the monsters in it scared the hell out of me. I had nightmares of them. I cannot walk out in to a foggy night or morning without thinking twice. (My father was the same way about Fog after seeing the original 'The Fog' 30 years ago).

Anywho, Back to Tonight: I was planning on going to bed earlier, by about 2 and a half hours. Well, I had gone in to my room and fixed my bed. I was going to head to the bathroom to do the usual when I glanced over at the doorway. On the jam behind the door was a wheel bug, a type of giant assassin bug. Now, just the sight of these things is enough to give me the heebie jeebies, but this damned thing was in my room.

In. My. Room.

It had laid eggs on the door jam.

So, naturally, me being the calm person that I am in a freak out inducing situation, I slowly walked past it out the door and went to get the vaccuum cleaner. I got the attachment hose out, sucked up first the bug, then the eggs. That done, I went and got Lysol to spray the doorjam, floor, and the pair of sweats I use to block the light from under the door. I was taking no chances these little things might have avoid being sucked up. Now, I know these things have a good chance of spraying stink, so I went in to the bathroom and cleaned up the excess kitty litter and some from the box with the vaccuum. See, I put bakingsoda in to the litterbox to keep the smell down.

Well, once this was done, I had to wind up the cord on the Dyson. And guess what I saw crawling around in the tank. The little monster had survived. That was it, I was done playing level headed.

After that I went in to the kitchen, grabbed the insecticide, and then went to town on the filter tank, the door jam, my floor, and those sweat pants. Ever since then I've been waiting for the poison smell to dissipate so I can go to bed. I looked up the bug online and found that it doesn't normally attack humans, and only when provoked. God, just to wonder how long it had been in my room and what it might have done to me while I slept even though I know it wouldn't have done anything because it doesn't feed on humans....*shudders*

I don't think I'll get much sleep tonight.

Fucking Stephen King inducing Wheel Bug.

Well, I went in to have a drug test and sign a couple forms. The woman gave me a run down of a couple things would happen if I am hired. I will know on monday if I get the job. Here's hoping.

In the mean while, it has been raining since I got up, which means the world outside is wet and miserable. My gram's dog is here for the weekend. She is going to Branson with her sisters. Oh, joy.


Am considering how to go about my Sanctuary fic. I mean, the prompt is pretty self explanatory, but I am still thinking on it.

I have a few ficlets planned, too, but nothing has happened. My DS9/M7 fic has petered out. I keep starting it and hating what I wrote. Any ideas?

Today, about a hour or so after I posted earlier I got a call for an interview. I have to come in for a drug test/interview tomorrow, and then we'll see. Went out and got 3 pairs of pants that fit from the goodwill just in case. Here's hoping I get a job!

~!~

I finished my Chuck fic, now I have my Sanctuary fic to finish. Yippee.

I put in six applications in last week. I expected to hear something within a few days, considering how many I put in my chances were good.

Not a word. Wonderful.

I love it. Nine years of not a god damned thing. I've been called in on two interviews in all that time. One was upset by lack of work history and people who could vouch for me, but only because she needed someone who could start right away. The other, I can only say I didn't fit the mold she wanted. Because she hired little old ladies and girls younger than me.

Well, this has been such a lovely experience. I don't know why people don't do it more often.

I put in another three applications today. I am hoping to hear something from at least one place.

~~~~

Didn't get a chance to do any writing today as I spent most of the day on the run from store to store. After we got home from grocery shopping, went to my sister's to take her some. I am so tired. Just waiting for the dryer to finish with my bedding so I fix my bed and climb in.

Will write some of my Chuck fic tomorrow when I get up. I hope to have it done by monday.

Oy, am I a little disoriented or what. Granted, it's not as bad as those not-morning people's, but I am still a little fuzzy on the vision and the attitude controls (plane term, not bitchiness), so I'm a little wobbly.

Anyone want to fill me in on what is going on in their world? I haven't heard from anybody in so long I've lost touch with my empathy.

Me: I'm working the early side of life, the 12 am - 4 pm shift until yesterday and today when I added two and a half hours to both. Went out and filled out three applications Tuesday. One to a local grocer, one to taco bell, and one to arby's. I don't believe I am going to get a job as they have not contacted me. Made a mistake on one application that I later corrected. Mixed-up the numbers on my SS code, and that was a big no-no. Got it fixed, though. Yesterday I went and had my hair cut. The last time I had that done was last June. I look the butch, but I've been feeling it lately, so who gives a rat's ass?

As for writing, I didn't get much done on my Chuck fic, but I did start it. That is more than I can say for anything else. Will be working on that a lot today.

Well, done rambling, gotta get the trash out. Toodles.

Been writing since 3 this morning off and on. Finally got over 3300 words written this morning to finish that blasted Eureka fic. All I gotta do is beta it and then I can begin posting it piece by piece to Multi_fiction. Too tired to do it now. Will do it later when I get up. On the bright side, over 15,000 words between the two fics.

Now that it is done, I can start a couple of those ficlets I've been wanting to do. I am going to let my Chuck juices flow later tonight, see what I can come up with there. Yeah, I signed up to write a chuck fic for T-31. That and a Sanctuary fic. I know, I am a glutton for punishment. One, I've written a 500 word ficlet in, and the other not even so much as a blurb. But, I want to write these two prompts and I believe I can get 5000 words out of both. Besides, it's a nice change of pace where I am just adding to the body count of fandoms I've already conquered.

Who knows, I might actually get both prompts done on time this time. You never know. Strange birds have fucked and produced mutant offspring before, why not my desires be fulfilled too?

I went to bed last night at 5, got up at 2, and checked my friends page on LJ just a few minutes ago. In 9 hours there had only been 45 new posts, a couple of those are repeats. I am watching 236 communities. What is going on? This isn't the first time either. If it were just the past 2 weeks, I would suspect school, but this has been happening for over 7 weeks. Are people just tired of fandom? Or have they moved on to other sites?

My IJ flist is lucky to get 1 post a day now. I feel like I did when I first started here, there's no one here.

Is everyone now over at Dreamwidth? Please tell me no.

Okay. Been a few days, so I might be rusty here.

This weekend they reveal the authors of the Dean/Castiel exchange I wrote 2 fics for. I can't wait. That means I finally get to share my brilliant work with you guys. I know, it's hard to top my last publicly posted Dean/Castiel fic, but I might have done it.

~~~

On multi_fiction we are hosting a drabble-a-thon for new shows/fandoms. Anything that has premiered this summer and by the end of the month is eligible. 100-500 words. I am excited to see what people come up with.

~~~

Been working on my second Eureka fic for T-31....Bang! It has been frustrating because my lack of enthusiasm for life has translated to delayed writing. I met the 10000 word minimum for anyone keeping score, but I just hadn't finished the second entry. I have no idea why, but I need a deadline to motivate me any more.

~~~

For those at home waiting on it, I am still plotting my M7/DS9 fic. I had 1500 words on it, but I deleted them as they depended too much upon exposition. A fic is supposed to start gradually. Since there is no word constraints on most fics I write, there is no excuse for doing the "In the beginning" type prologues they do for movies. I just need to decide how to start it. Once there, I got enough plots for 10 3000 word fics.

~~~

My STXI fic is still in the plotting stage. The next part is going to be delayed until after I get those other fics written. I have not abandoned it like I did my Heroes fics. I just, I have no one to discuss the fandom with since TK has disappeared again.

~~~

Which brings me to my next bit of Fandom news. If you like talking fandom and shit about fandom, I am available for AIM. Yes, I am desperate enough to beg on an open post.

~~~

Still want to write those ficlets. I need about seven fandoms/plots. Something short. Just can't seem to get around to doing it. Any ideas?

I thought I posted more recently than monday. Wow, I am seriously losing track of time here.

This is a personal post, next post will be fandom related. Just in case you are tired about hearing my family, skip.

My whore sister is bringing her bastards up here tonight. Why? She has a concert. Of course, like every time she knows they are coming here, she isn't feeding them. Won't pay us to take care of them, won't even cover the cost of food. Never has, never will? Why? Because she keeps blowing her money on concert tickets she knows she cannot afford but my parents keep on letting her.

I hate her. I am slightly jealous that she gets to do what she wants, but that isn't the reason. I hate her because she does it knowing full well that she is can't do it. She doesn't have the time, money, or resources to keep doing this. Yet, she does it anyways.

Between partying, drinking, doing drugs, and fucking around, she has no time for her children. These kids are a burden to her and she does not fucking care.

If we could take them from her, I would do it in a heart beat. At least I would take the girls. The little bastard can go rot in juevy. I've had enough of him stealing from everyone.

I have been lost to my own devices again. There is so much shit in real life, but I should make the time to write. Not that anyone cares, but it is a sense of release for me. Need to really make an effort to get back in to writing again.

I still love my new laptop. It's new until the one month period is hit.

Nephew, the fucking thief, stole my sunglasses a week ago, I only noticed saturday. I fucking hate him so much for that. It's the second time the little bastard has stolen them. It isn't just that they were sunglasses, it's that they were mine. I've been one of the few people who has been there constantly for him since the beginning. And what does he do? Screams and yells, taking his shit out on me, and steals my fucking sunglasses. Well, the venting I can handle, but the stealing, no fucking way. You little bastard, I gave you everything, I worked my ass off taking care of you and your siblings, and this is how you treat me in return? No, no, no! Wrong, you cunt faced loser!

I am never giving that little bitch another thing ever again! As of now, he is cut off from my affection and protection. He can face the world on his own!

It's been a couple days. I haven't lost my mind, it just felt like it for a while. I need things fandom to keep me grounded.

Been writing Eureka the past couple weeks. Right now I am considering a short Startrek XI/BSG 2003 ficlet. Something just to get my juices flowing for my STXI epic once I actually finish this Eureka fic.

Got any requests you want to see me write, post a comment here. I need to write some ficlets, been a few months since I did that.

Thank you for nothing, I hope you rot in hell. I couldn't afford health insurance when I was employed, and for that I would have been penalized? I can't afford it now because I can't get hired. Does that mean I'm young and irresponsible? Oh, and if I do get a job, because of my sexual orientation I can be fired. I supposed that's because I'm brazen and thumbing my nose at my health. Oh, and my weight. Yeah, I can't get insurance because of that. I'm working on it, but because I'm beyond 50 lbs over what they say I can be, I won't qualify. It's not a preexisting condition under their guidelines, but it will still prohibit me.

4 years. Wow, you set a real goal. Don't worry, I'm sure they can beat it...to death. You're a putz and a schmuck. Take your compromise and go fuck yourself with it.

I will never defend you again.

Time to start looking for the next Democratic candidate for 2012, because you're not going to get the nomination a second time.

I know it has been a while since I last posted here. That is because I have been slowly wrecking my brain. It was so bad that I forgot my parent's anniversary yesterday.

Between the politics of bullshit in the country, my frantic need to write fanfic, and the plain old fact that we are all depressed mixed to just ruin my mind lately. It is not an excuse, it is a problem. The solution, be more forceful and stop becoming obsessed with the bullshit politics. I started watching the news channels to become more informed, instead, it has made me irritable, bitchy, and down right pessimistic.

I want my fucking TV shows to be good (first 2 seasons of BSG good). I want my politics to be clear headed and functional, not batshit crazy 'ooo, let's cover the lunatic fringe and completely forget that our jobs are to cover the news, not make it.' Keith Olberman had right the a couple weeks ago when he put out a list of congressmen and senators who were taking kickbacks from the healthy industry. That was news. Rachel Maddow devoting endless hours to those lunatics, even going so far as to bring other reporters on her show who cover this bullshit, is only sensationalistic behavior. You cover the fact they exist, you shine a light on those who are funding them, you can even make smug comments and debunk their theories. You do not make a career out of covering their bullshit though. This not only makes it seem like you think this is newsworthy, it gives their crazy ideas a hint of truth. Instead of getting prickly with your guest last night when he offered you a deal on not covering them, you should have said something to the line of "while I cannot ethically make any deals to limit what I cover, I do agree that this entire thing has been blown out of proportion and sensationalized to the point that it obscures every important story that we should be covering." You've given hints to this before, but, you've never really followed through.

What does this mean?

I am sick and tired of the female reporter being a gossip and the guy actually breaking news!

Any way, supernatural starts tomorrow night and I'll probably be glued to my television for that. At least it won't suck. I've seen enough spoilers to know that.

On to more brain rotting fan news, the only show that is new this season I am looking forward to this season is the new V. And that, I am weary of because it is just another Het first program. I am so sick of heterosexuals in Sci-fi, or anything for that matter. I've seen enough supposed tragic love stories with boat loads of false angst to make me want to cause an extinction level event if it means that another one will never be created.

This, this is what my mind actually jumps to. This stream of conscious is why I have gotten little done recently.

If you find it confusing, you haven't seen nothing yet.

Why is it that more and more I find myself defending Obama to my mother? I think he is a two-faced liar who will do whatever he thinks it takes to stay in power now that he's got it. From day one he has compromised on every issue that has mattered to me. I admit freely, I am a free floating liberal. I believe in the right of all humans to have the ability to say or do whatever they want, and so long as it does not bring physical trauma, you can get away with it. That includes Klan rallies and Rap Duels (if you've never seen either, trust me, you're lucky. Racism is alive and well in both.)

I do not care for the man. It's like having John Kerry for president. One day he's in favor of doing something, the next he's back peddling faster than a mountain-biker going over a cliff. I think it was best said last night on MSNBC, yeah, I watch a couple shows there, he has never really committed to healthcare reform. His last public speech, before the last question that ever fucking reported landed on like a fat vulture, was rambling and unfocused. He simply has not given a single rallying speech. It's always rhetoric or the talking points of '2/3s of it will come from cleaning up wasteful blah blah blah'.

We need someone who can sell it, not with a few bland statistics and early nineties motivational business bullshit jargon. Synergy can go fuck itself. Get one of those people who were born to be a Baptist preacher but chose not to. I, personally, hate baptist ministers. But, there is a reason they lead mega churches, and it isn't because of a good light show and some promises from a 2000 year-old book.

He just has to get out there and make the people feel good about healthcare. Sell it to them, make them realize what a great thing it is and how much the need it. Then, turn it around and make them realize the only reason they don't have it is because of insurance clones and their puppets in congress. I guarantee after a thousand threatening letters and phone calls from their constituents, those 'hold outs' will be more than willing to bring us the whole thing, not just this bullshit co-op or public option.

Oh, one more thing about those last two. Did you know, even if one or both of those pass, you still have to pay for them, were talking beyond what you already pay for taxes? The co-op is worse than the public option because you have to pay the co-op and the insurance giant you get your health coverage from. And, there is no guarantee the co-op would even work, because, guess what, they already have those people are members of. Look how well that's doing them.

Universal Healthcare, Socialized Medicine, Single Payer System, whatever you want to call it, get it, get it now. Even if it means a three percent rise in what you pay for taxes, it's well worth it. Because, 3 percent on the national level (not state or local), is a lot cheaper than what you are paying for your insurance now, if you have any still.

Much like this long lost city, my fics seem to have been forgotten in the recent excitement. I know, I should be paying attention to them since I have 4 I have to get out, 2 of them in 12 days. There has just been such a funk on my mind and drain on my time. I have taken to fast forwarding through Rachel Maddow and Keith Olberman because it is nothing but the same shit over and over again and they provide me with inspiration. Don't judge me, watching news programs has kept my mind sharp enough to think beyond the narrow world I inhabit.

Besides, I will be on it soon enough. Like right now. I will take a break from adding my bookmarks to this computer.

I love this new computer so very much. Been transferring my links thanks to Insanejournal since I don't have a USB cable. It is slow going but it gave me a chance to work my way through them. There were some crappy links and some that didn't have crap on them. Like my story search links on LJ. There were no responses on some, and others the stories they were looking for were crap.

Nattering on, yes, I love this new computer, even though the text right now I am typing is really tiny. A size eight or less on a desktop. I can just read it.

It is a wonderful feeling having a computer all my own.

This is being written upon my new laptop. There are a few issues with writing on a flat keyboard, but I am quickly adapting to it.

That is all. Until I am thinking beyond a girlish giggle, Guten Tag!

I have a new laptop. Finally guilted mom in to getting it. It's a Toshiba Satellite L500 series. 320 Gigs/3 Gig, 15.6 in screen.

From all the updating and stuff, I am so mentally worn out. Will finish transferring my crap to it tomorrow including my bookmarks and stories.

Been writing for several days in a row now, but I am only now hitting my stride. It has been three days since my brother and his wife and kid left. It has taken this long to actually get back in the hang of things. If the damn grand kids can stay away, I might actually get a fic that isn't Dean/Castiel finished.

I plan on working on my SGA/BSG fic today. It is due tomorrow, thanks to a day's extension in the time. The StarTrek fic was due today, but I met the minimum and the deadline in my own special way. Basically, I posted an incomplete fic there. I know, half ass, but there are just too many stories I have to write and not enough time to do it in.

Add to that the DS9/M7 fic I also started a couple weeks ago and you've got a recipe for brain melting.

Oh, and did I forget to mention, I am having Evil Eureka plot bunnies? Mpreg bunnies. *Shudders* Why do people have to call them plot bunnies? I hate rabbits. They make my skin crawl.

I need to read more Terminator: Salvation Kyle/Markus fic. I am seriously addicted to that pairing. It's like crack and meth to me, I read everything that's longer than 2000 words. For those not in the know, I avoid anything less than 10k words unless it is crack fic or there are no other fics in that fandom. Luckily, these few authors who write it specialize in long stories. *Flicks nose* Got any? *Twitches*

I am slowly going out of my mind. All the 'guests' have gone home. The cat is driving me nuts between trying to kill my birds, trying to tear the pictures off the mantel, and trying to poison the air with the smell of his shit, I am not very happy with him.

Slowly going insane. I think I will go to bed now before I lose all form of coherent thoughts.

Bloody hell, I'm stuck with this StarTrek Fic. I have the ideas on paper, I just can't get them written. I don't feel like it. Damn it, this shouldn't be about feeling like it when I want to do it. These stories are interesting, so it isn't that I am bored. I hate this feeling. I don't think it is actually writers block because I know where it wants to go.

Oy!

The cat is at the vet. We took him there with his nuts intact. When we go to pick him up this after noon, we won't be bringing them back.

Au revoir, testies!

Tomorrow the cat goes to get the cruelest cut of all.

His pain will be but for a little while. Good bye, Scruggs Nuts! You'll not be missed by anyone but my cat.

Mwa hahahahaha!

A note to all you assholes who think medical reform is bad thing or worse. I just got home from 5 hours in the emergency room with my sister in law. She went in with a UTI, but because there were pot heads who had gotten in a stupid accident, we had to wait. Even if their case was worse, this shit would never have happened in a country where universal health care was available. It just doesn't happen.

Why? Because in those countries their doctors care about their work and their patients, not a fucking pay check.

Also, how bad is it that I had to go out and remind the doctor and nurses that we were there and my sister in law needed reassurance that she wasn't forgotten about? How hard is it to take two minutes to stop by patient rooms and explain "we are a little backed up, but you are on the list, don't worry"? Obviously pretty fucking hard.

I don't remember everything I wanted to put here. So I will put it in brief.

Not getting anything for watching kids. Sure, I got promised a bunch of shit, but nope.

Yesterday we came a hair's breadth away from having our house blown away in some hellacious winds. As it was, I had several huge limbs and trash to pick up. Good thing, mom's work lost power and she had to come home. If she hadn't gone in, they wouldn't have given her paid 4 hours. She was sick yesterday and needed the rest.

Cracked the corner of my cheap ass plastic tub the other day and had dad put on a putty patch. Putty coming away where it was over the floor, but not away from the crack so far. Thank goodness.

Between the family being here, the weather, the kids, and everything else I am spread really thin. There's more shit, but I am forgetting it because I don't want to remember.

I'll handle it later, right now I am going to get a shower.

Those bastards took off for the Casino and left me with the kids!

Clarification: Sister in law tried to leave for Texas yesterday, but she couldn't make it and had an emotional breakdown. She came back with her husband who had gone to meet her. Last night they asked me if I would watch the kids while they went last night, they decided against it because it was so late already and they were worn out. I agreed if the bribed me.

Today, they were in the middle of getting ready when I got up. After a general WTF, you are leaving me with the kids, NFW moment, I agreed to watch them but only if they fucking pay for it later.

They had better, because I did not agree to do this without payment last night. I certainly am not watching these kids for free today. It's bad enough that whore that calls itself my sister has grossly taken advantage of us for years without payment. Oh, I am so fucking pissed over that, I want to knock her head and ass together.

So, I am stuck here with the kids for god knows how long. All I can say is that they had better make it worth my while or I am going to raise some holy hell.

For the past two days I have been cleaning this house and taking care of the yard. That includes doing small shit like dusting everything (pictures, tables, the mantel) and shampooing the rugs. I've vacuumed so many times the carpet confessed.

I've helped cook, prepare, and clean up.

The yard now has shiny new red rubber tire mulch around our plants on top of black lawn tarp. Have harvested from the garden again. Pulled weeds.

I hate parties. The prep will kill you.

Been writing like a bandit on this SGA/BSG fic for the past few days. I am 125 words from 10,000 and I am still 2 parts from complete. Oy! What is it with me and runaway plots? At least this one is making sense.

I signed up for a round of T-31, because I will participate in every successful round. It is considered successful if there is a fic produced, even if it is only mine. Yes, that means I will have to have another fic produced by the 15th of August. It's the StarTrek one, so, that won't be difficult to write. I already have the plot/outline written out.

No, this does not mean I will be pushing back that M7/DS9 fic. I still plan on writing it before the StarTrek Redux fic. That means in the next 18 days I will be finishing 3 fics. Oh joy!

Happy Happy, Joy Joy!

Shoot me and make sure my zombie ass stays dead this time!

It's been a week since I last posted here. Wow. Time went by quickly.

My brother is home from Texas/The Army. He is going to help me get my license when he comes back later on in the week. Hopefully I can get it done.

Have over 3000 words written on that SGA/BSG fic. Still a little lost on where to go with it.

Not much else to say. It stormed. I watched TV. The kids but for the fuck headed nephew are gone. Basically, nothing ever really changed.

The SPN Rogue Angels fic has been delayed with my beta because her eyes are bad. Obviously, she will have it done when she gets new glasses. *Shakes fists* You better! LMAO

It's not a problem, I still have several weeks. My Lorne fic for the Lorne Slashathon is being written as I write this. Mentally, of course, I cannot type in two places at once, I am not that talented. Or am I? Nope. Still got only two arms. That one growing out of my ass hasn't quite formed an elbow yet.

In the works: A M7/DS9 fic. I have been day dreaming about what to include in that one. For you Vin/Ezra fans, you're not going to like it. Ezra is not the type to settle down and Vin isn't... well, you'll just have to wait. Heehee.

Also, a possible StarTrek 11 fic. Spock/Chekov, pon farr of course. It would be around 10,000 words.

Another possible fic is a Doctor Horrible Sing Along Blog fic. Horrible/Hammer, of course. I am all about Villain/Hero slash there. Horrible needs Hammer to dominate him, mmmm, dom/sub fic. No bondage, sorry, TK.

Greetings retarded plants every where. Your master has arrived and I am calling you idiots out. No more will you be allowed to get away with half ass growing. If I can resurrect a plant with only one green stem, I can make you whole again!

IE: The three mugo pines I planted last week are perking right up!

In other plant news, non retarded plant edition: I have a new Wax Plant. Hoya Carnosa, AKA A Wax Plant, not a fake weed. It is a hanging basket that is so beautiful and takes low level of lighting and watering. I love it already.

The garden has yielded 3 green tomatoes for frying. I am about to have to go out there and harvest more Collard Greens, because they have come back with a vengeance. Damned things. My okra is growing well. I love the flowers on it, I might have to plant some for ornamental purposes next year. Cucumber count is up to 30 so far. Greenbeans, 3 lbs. Bell Peppers? 6, three of them look more like chili peppers than bell.

We have installed stone circles around several places in the front yard, gotten a plastic fence to block the wind on one. It is almost done, just need more stones to replace that cheap plastic fencing and mulch for it all. Gonna need a tonne of mulch.

Planted a Crepe Myrtle in the center of the property. Hope it does well. Also put in a Ruby Lake Currant, I think is the name. That brings the type of fruit bearing plants to 1 Plum, 3 Peaches, 3 Pears, 3 Apples, 1 Cherry, 1 Black Cherry, 15+ Black Berries, 10 Blue Berries, and 1 Currant. We have 2 Black Walnuts and 1 Hickory as well.

The maple tree has gone nuts. It is now almost 10 feet in diameter. Well over that tall. I am so proud.

This ends our farm report.

I have completed my final Dean/Castiel Supernatural fic. I do not plan on ever writing another. This is just too crazy for me!

Of course, this probably means I'll be writing another before the year is out given my track record.

It's at 5200 words if anyone is interested. The thing also sucks. I cannot write a good plot to these prompts in this current mood I am in. I did the best I could given the circumstances, though.

Oy. Well, that is off to my beta and I am off to write my BSG/Atlantis fic. Wish me luck. At least there I know of the plot and fandom enough to be completely comfortable.

I am tired of having to deal with drama and life. Everything can just go fuck off. I am going to do what I feel like from now on.

Been working so fucking hard lately on everything I just can't do it any more. Things will get done when I am damn good and ready to work on them. Fics, planting, dishes, the kids, all of it can wait on me for a change.