Hoover Building

Title: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause.
Author: Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not own The Magnificent Seven.
Characters: JD, Vin, Chris, Josiah.
Words: 2128
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
Universe: ATF - 2001
Pairing: Chris/Vin implied, Chris/Mary mentioned.
Rating: Adult
Warnings: Language, Violence, Character Death, Suicide.
Summary: JD was looking forward to his Christmas vacation.
Author's Note: 3 years post team formation.
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Okay, so I went and saw the 3D version of the movie yesterday. It was a pretty good film. When I went in there were low expectations, as I had heard about the plot long ago. The film turned out to be everything I had heard and a little more. Over all, 4 of 5 stars.

The 3D thing, it was much overhyped. It took 5 minutes for my eyes to adjust so I could see the effect, and even then, everything on the periphery was blurry.

I did have some nit-picks, but these are small in comparison to how great the film was. ( Spoilers of Fail )

The characters were wonderfully done by the actors. Though, those Na'vi are some of the ugliest aliens ever, period. I, surprise to me, found myself longing for more of Sam Worthington in his human body. I can see why he was chosen for the film, he fit well. Well fit?

Sigourney Weaver, she was just fabulous. As always, she brought a lot of everything to the film.

Zoe. Quit. Please, just stop. She was the wrong choice. I never thought I would see the non-blonde equivalent to Lana from 'Smallville', well, guess what. Found her! Star Trek was not a fluke, she really is that terrible.

All and all, I can see why James Cameron wanted to make the film. It was wonderfully imagined, the CGI was so beautiful. The alien world was perfect for this film. 3D for those who can use it without being blinded, probably the best there has ever been.

Bravo! You created a masterpiece. Which is fitting considering your other successes, Aliens, Terminator, Titanic, and now, Avatar. Now, what are you going to do next?

Going to see Avatar in 11 hours. I am over the hype and slightly hopeful of something at least entertaining.

What I've been writing: 2 Roswell fics, 1 StXI fic, a Rogue fic, and several ficlets. I am in the planning stages for 1 space above and beyond fic, and a Supernatural fic. I have a slight idea what I want in the Supernatural fic, mpreg, the rest is negotiable.

Planning doing the looking for a job thing again tomorrow, too.

The sheer mind-numbing stupidity that Hollywood produces is just....

In this press release from the Syphilis Channel, they are excitedly announcing the remaking of 'La Femme Nikita'. I won't jump in with all the reasons why this is not even a good idea. There is just one thing I will say that epitomizes the ignorance behind this.

'La Femme Nikita' the television series started in 1997, not 1991.

McG, how could you? Dude, that is just... Fucking moron.

Well, it's been a few days and I am feeling better. Manic episodes are the worst. I am feeling almost back to normal and it is a good thing. Control is the most important thing in my life and I hate feeling like I have none over my own mind. Sounds dangerous like that, but's just emotional. No, if it was serious like thoughts of suicide or harming something, then I would definitely do something about it. But, this is just depression. It only effects my ability to write because that is all I let it control.

Probably a psychologist's dream patient. "You present bi-polar tendencies with a slight case of narcissism, manic depression, and possible paranoia." Except, my mood swings aren't violent or sudden. I only think about myself when it comes to writing (yeah, whatever the exact mental opposite of narcissism is, I got it.) Got one right. And the last one? Is it paranoia when they really are out to get you? What's that? It can be both at the same time? What?

Well....

Jesus Fucking Christ! While typing this the TV just spit out a commercial for Hannah the whore Montana, using IM speak. A commercial with IM Speak and it's not a parody. Is it any fucking wonder I am half crazy?

Calm. Serenity. Dancing naked Zachary Quinto. Omm Mani Padma!

I am so sick and tired of being depressed all the fucking time. There is no reason for it. I just have a chemical imbalance in the brain I think. Either way, it's really annoying. Lacking the motivation to do anything because of it has gotten out of hand. It's making me feel manic and slightly incomprehensible.

There is a real quick fix, but it depends upon other people. Low self esteem can bite me!

If you care to know the contributing factors this time:( Read more... )

With my fanfic, I feel like a total girlfriend here, people. Asking 'What do I have to do to get you to notice me?' I don't know, obviously I'm not good enough for people. Doing my best isn't what it used to be, I guess.

Yeah, I feel a little better after all that. Not that it changed anything. I'm still up shit creek. People still aren't responding to my fic. I'm going to go drink something sweet, may be it will perk my brain up enough to get back to writing. If nothing else, at least I can feel accomplished.

If you have nothing better to do and are simply curious enough to participate in the social experiment that is my life, I have a twitter account for my fic updates.

lopakatanu. That's it. Follow me, don't, up to you if you really must know when and what I am working on fic wise. Nothing personal, no updates about my opinion. Just the fic 411.

It's a useful update, yet, I feel like a tool for having a twitter account. Strange.

There is a thick haze of moisture in the air this morning. So far, everything outside is coated in enough ice that it sparkles and refracts the light. By morning, it will look like a solid coating of glass is upon them. Very beautiful, yet very dangerous as well. I believe I will enjoy this morning's sunrise.

I don't give a flying fuck about that stupid fucking football. Those dumb sons of bitches yacking on and on after the fucking game cut in to the simpsons and my timer didn't get but sixty percent of the episode.

QUIT FUCKING TALKING! YOU GOD DAMNED STUPID MOTHER FUCKERS ARE NOT SMART, YOU HAVE NO BRILLIANT INSIGHTS! IT'S A STUPID FUCKING GAME AND 5 MORONS SPOUTING THE SAME SHIT WE HEARD BEFORE AND DURING IT IS BEYOND RETARDED!

FUCK YOU, FOX!

Title: Making The Way Back.
Author: Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not own StarGate Atlantis.
Characters: Lorne, Ronon, Rodney.
Words: 5604
Prompt: Atlantis destroyed, L/R hear of possible survivors.
Fandom: StarGate: Atlantis
Pairing: Lorne/Ronon
Rating: Teen.
Warnings: Language, Character Deaths.
Summary: After Atlantis is lost, Lorne and Ronon have to find their way home.
Author's Note: General series spoilers, between seasons 2,3,4.
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Yesterday I went and got the mail. On the way to the box I scared a hawk from one of the walnut trees out front. It's a fair sized bird, almost the size of an owl.

Today, I had to go refill the feeders out back. Got flocks of spatzies, house finches, gold finches, maybe even a wren or two. These birds are just going nuts for this feed now. To keep themselves warm, they are taking shelter under my back porch steps in the lattice work.

Just watched one of the gold finches, decked out in his winter colors, sit on the porch for two minutes, hop around, then shit on it before leaving it. If I didn't find them so amusing, I would think them pests. As it is, they are little better than flying mice. Funny thing is, I am sure their ancestors ate mice.

Been writing lately. It seems like the only thing I can do.

Sister moved back in with her kids because she's an idiot and roomed with a moron. Well, the moron left her high and dry and they have to pay 800 a month total for a place they aren't even living in. Wonderful!

Still no job or license.

Parents went to florida and texas last wednesday. I am home alone at the moment. Writers block. Great!

This has been a sixty second update.

Title: Goodbye, Evan Lorne.
Author: Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis or Sanctuary.
Characters: Lorne, Parrish, Carter, Teyla, Rodney, John.
Words: 4245
Prompt: Lorne has always been more abnormal than he realized.
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis/Sanctuary
Pairing: UST Lorne/Parrish
Rating: Teen
Warnings: Language, Implied Sexual Situations, Character Embarrassment.
Summary: Terrible fates befall the unwary, but even vigilance has its limits.
Timeline: SGA: 4x04 - Doppelganger/Pre-Sanctuary - July, 2007.
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Title: This Foundation Exposed.
Author: Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.
Characters: Dean, Sam, Castiel, Zachariah, Lucifer, Him.
Words: 3452
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: Teen
Warnings: Language, Character Death.
Summary: Sent shopping at a strange store, Dean and Sam encounter what they are searching for. Excrement meet whirling blades.
Author's Note: Um, is god an OC?
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While depression is a constant that I must fight, it has seemed really bad recently. That makes me fight harder to keep myself going, but it takes a toll. I find it hard to deal with some things and then I get frustrated and angry. Usually, this ends with something getting violently destroyed. This time, not so much. I am still in a funk, but I am working through it with my writing. Hopefully this will keep up and I can actually get something written for a change.

In the mean while, I am tired and need sleep. Will get some soon.

I cannot fucking believe I did that.

I posted my personal post to Multi_fiction. I am so fucking stupid sometimes, I swear! Worse yet, I didn't notice it until hours later when I was checking my friends page. Oh, dear sweet Martha Stewart, take me now!

I am going to quietly hide in my room for a while and wait until I die.

For the past 2 days I have had plenty of both. First, my used phone has been getting texts from these idiot tweens who have absolutely no business owning a phone. Yes, they are layover from when my nephew had the phone. It's absolutely frustrating when they believe you are not you, but him. Tonight I ended with Fuck Off to this latest moron. After 10 texts of me telling her to stop texting me, I am not him, she still thought I was him. Switching to my old tween vernacular, Brain Dead Much? What-ever! And to date myself, poof, brick wall!

The cold weather. Ah, the cold weather! Forget what they said in the news, the winds here have been a constant 30+, with gusts of over 60 mph. My family has lived through 3 hurricanes that I can remember, we can judge winds. The trampoline, yeah, it flew on top of the barn, through the walnut tree. It was stuck there, until the wind blew it out, taking several limbs with it. Mum and dad finally got it wrangled to the barn and tied down. Our decks, trees, yard, driveway, everything has nice ice patches wherever the wind could find purchase.

Absolutely lovely! *Snorts* NOT!

You have no idea how much I hate having to switch to twit mode. Martha Stewart give me strength!

I am so sick of all the spoilers and crap on the infotainment sites about Cameron on House M.D., that I was inspired to put it to verse.

Read in the style of Green Eggs and Ham:

I do not like Dr. Cameron,
I don't care for her yammerin'.

I do not like her on my idiot box,
I would rather see her pelted with rocks!

I don't care what you say,
Everyone knows Chase is Gay!

No matter how hard they insist,
My hatred still persists.

And so I feel I must repeat,
as I shiver from head to feet:

I cannot stand the stammerin',
So shut up about Dr. Cameron!

Title: A Little Touched.
Author: Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.
Characters: Spock, Unnamed Navigator With Curly Hair and Russian Accent
Words: 412
Prompt: Spock obsesses over Chekov's hands.
Fandom: Star Trek: XI
Pairing: Spock/Chekov UST.
Rating: Teen.
Warnings: Vulcan Perving.
Summary: Spock is quietly going mad....or he's just lusting.
Author's Note: Silliness at its best.
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Moments pass in this light,
in morning I sit pondering.
Last night were we really?
Confusion oft. rules this time.

You said we were taken in.
The words made no sense, yet,
I cannot pry them from my mind.
Perhaps, no. Trivial it is.

Let these be your final words,
I remember that clearly.
In moments we did pass certain,
in time we fought the dawn.

Mine were the words mattered,
in the end I take it with me.
So lost in them, mixed ours.
Who said what, does it matter?

It must, else I sit here for nothing.

My parents said I could have it last weekend, but I finally dug it out last night. It was my nephew's, but he's screwed up so badly he will never get it back. Mum is still paying for it, and leaving it in the drawer is a waste of money. Thus, I have a used phone.

The battery is just fine, but the case cover for it is broken since my sister was in a car accident with it a few years back. It is a moto razr, *stupid name*. The only thing really wrong with it is the power cord. Don't know if this the cord, the plug in to the phone, or the power cord jack on the phone itself, but I have to jiggle the shit out of it to get it to charge. It works, though, so, PHONE!

Now, I have no one to call, so......now you know why I never really wanted a phone.

At least now I have my own phone for when I get a job. That's right. When I get one. Job. The contract on this phone is up in 16 months, so.....yeah. You never know, someone might actually hire my ass by then. Right?


Right?


Also, if you notice my age and the fact I am still living with my parents, I will have to hurt you.

I had to kill a mouse tonight. The god damned cat caught it in the yard, but instead of killing it, the cat harmed it and toyed with it. To put it out of its misery I killed the damned thing. Now I am feeling a little heart sick from guilt because it was an innocent creature. I hate times like these. The animal had done nothing to me, was not a threat, and was only trying to survive, then I had to kill it.

To take an innocent life is the worst feeling in the world emotionally.

Title: Animals & Nature
Author: Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.
Characters: Dean, Castiel, A Loon and Some Ducks
Words: 615
Prompt: Without weapons, time for D/C styled vacation.
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: Adult
Warnings: Threats, Sexual Situations
Summary: A peaceful moment off from the apocalypse.
Author's Note: For the QuickFire 'Thanksgiving' Challenge on deancastiel
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I started the next fic in the Dead Like Vin verse. It will involve the old west. The third fic, however, will jump to the early-mid twentieth century. I think this one will be a little longer than I had intended, which will be okay.

Also in the works, a 25,000 word Space: Above and Beyond fic. Debating right now whether I want to include mpreg or not. As you know, I don't just slot it in to any fic, that there is a reason for it in my other mpreg fics, (yes, even my crack fics).

Doing a little STXI ficlet before I switch over to the novella I started a few months back. There are a few plots I have been kicking around that have hijacked it. When I decide how to weave them in to the story proper, I will start it up again. In the mean while, my character voices in the fandom have become rusty and I need to do this ficlet to get them back.

Don't worry, TK, I will get to your birthday ficlet, I promise. There is just the problem with Spock/Ronon that you want in it. I've taken to feeling him as a bottom for Kirk lately and need to work his Dom mojo. So, Spock/Chekov, because Chekov is such a sweet bottom...or is that he has such a sweet bottom?

Wow, despite the chill outside, this is certainly turning out to be a toasty thanksgiving. Gotta go to my aunt and uncle's this afternoon. Might get something done before then, hopefully. If not, tomorrow definitely.

Toodles, ducks. Enjoy your day wherever you are no matter how you have to spend it.

I am feeling a lot better than I did 2 days ago. There is still some soreness, nose still runs like a leaky faucet at times. Other than that, I am fine. Ribs still hurt from the coughing, though.

Am thinking up a new idea for a M7/DLM ficlet. Haven't decided which one to write, though.

Considering where to apply next. I know it is a little late, but I am tired of getting no where. At least applying I feel somewhat productive.

Title: Cold, Clammy Touch.
Author: Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not own The Magnificent Seven or Dead Like Me.
Characters: Ezra, Chris.
Words: 368
AU: Dead Like Vin.
Prompt: Huntersglenn suggested a 'Ghost Town' like fic.
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven/Dead Like Me
Pairing: N/A
Rating: Adult
Warnings: Graphic Descriptions Of Illness.
Summary: The Devil has come to collect his due.
Author's Note: Small Pox was not a lovely disease.
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What started out from a piece of chewed food getting stuck in my nasal cavity from an inopportune sneeze has morphed in to a sinus congestion from getting a cold. I have been going through tissues and toilet paper like there is no tomorrow.

It sucks!

Oh well, going to try and write something this morning just to see if I can.

Contains objectionable content and language disparaging female anatomy.( Read more... )

I cut this to spare my Flist. Just because I haven't done this in a while doesn't mean the rage has gone away. I am not a nice person when I am angry.

Okay, I admit it, I was totally out of my depth when I wrote this. I have no idea what I was doing and the plot probably suffered horribly. I hope the next offering will work out better. That one will be her birthday fic.

Title: The Beacon's Lost
Author: Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.
Characters: Reid, Morgan.
Words: 2995
Prompt: TK's Birthday.
Spoilers: 3x16: Elephant's Memory.
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: pre-Reid/Morgan
Rating: Teen
Warnings: Language
Summary: Reid is no longer certain he can continue to do his job.
Theme Music: For Everything A Reason - Carina Round.
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In case I have never made the plea to you before, I urge you now.

Rent Gabriel Iglesias' comedy specials. If you can find it first, watch his half hour 'Comedy Central Presents' special before you watch the other two. They come in order 'Hot and Fluffy' followed by 'I'm Not Fat...I'm Fluffy.'

These are well worth the two and a half hours of combined comedy, I promise!

As many of you know, I am not a big supporter of the President right now. I am very hostile on his lack of support of the right issues. He has been doing a lot of damn good things, but his silence on basic Human Rights issues for his own people has been astounding. And the few conciliatory speeches he has given in the interim have all been just to keep us mollified. He's done more for the suspected terrorists in Guantanamo and to appease our enemies in other countries than he has for us. I realize the first is a horrific violation of Human Rights in every situation there, and the second is necessary for global peace, but we are the people who put him in the position where he could do these things. We deserve more than just a couple speeches and a couple signed bills he had nothing to do with until they crossed his desk. Arnold the Govenator has given us more on the Gay Rights front. He must do more than give a couple speeches and then sitting back to wait and see.

( Private Anger Venting )

Someone at the Pentagon must be working with those fools who came up with the project exposed in the movie "Men Who Stare At Goats". How do I know this?

The President has shown up in my dream. One. He was fully dressed in his trademark blue suit with white dress-shirt and red tie. I was being hired to, get this, protect the guy from anti-government dissidents who wanted to possibly kill him at a rally on the front steps of the capitol building. He told me, 'hi, it's nice to meet you' and I was just staring at him like a star struck teenager. I didn't smile or giggle, I just stood there and on the inside said 'it's the president' and suddenly I was filled with hope and belief of him again.

Relax, it was just a dream. He cannot inspire either of those in person, or so I am told. He is not an angel, or so I am told. He does not need me to defend him, this I know for certain.

Still...he's the President, He is Barack Obama! This is the man who will lead us back from the brink of crazy we were taken to so many years ago.

And he was in my dream. It was completely non-sexual, for those of you few perves out there, *ahemlikemeahem*. It was like being in the presence of God, you just wanted to trust him, to love him because you knew he would take care of everything and we would be all right.

WHAT THE HELL DID I EAT BEFORE I WENT TO BED LAST NIGHT?

Title: It's Not Easy Being Green.
Author: Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.
Characters: Reid, Morgan, JJ, Prentiss, Garcia, Hotch.
Words: 567
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: N/A
Rating: Gen
Warnings: Crack
Summary: Something puzzles Reid about their latest case.
Author's Note: Ah, good old crack fic.
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So much has happened outside my little world over the past week. I won't go in to great detail, but suffice to say I have nearly had an emotional break down. For the last several weeks I have been in a funk over the state of my life. With no job, no place of my own, no license, and complete dependence upon my parents for everything, I am seriously depressed.

( rant about relatives and the relative lack of jobs )

I hate stupid, thoughtless people.

My brother is stationed at Fort Hood, he was working there today. He is fine, but things are all crazy down there. Those guys have been through shit with all these multiple deployments and now this. I have no idea what the government is thinking, but this was the inevitable result. If they keep it up, there will no doubt be more. Our service personnel deserve better treatment and they are not getting it.

This is a disgrace on them and that poor soul who did this. My heart is with the families of all the victims.

After nineteen months, I have finally ventured back to post on LJ once again. I even sighed up for that damnedable LJ IM. Heaven help the lonely.

This sucks.

Back to writing.

My cat has these 2 tops it loves to play with. They are cheap dime store knockoffs that used to light up when you spun them. Now, there is one and I can't find the other. The cat goes nuts for this thing, even going so far as to walk around with the handle in its mouth to move it from place to place. It looks like Maggie from the Simpsons with a pacifier. Anywho, I found it this morning when sweeping the kitchen and fished it out for him. Then, he and I were batting it back and forth while I was washing my hands at the sink, and I stepped on it by accident. It is partially broken, but he remains undeterred.

What the hell does this have to do with me posting?

Nothing, just thought you would enjoy a cute story.

Well, there is that, and the fact I am writing a sad story in STXI fandom right now. It is an unrequited story between Chekov and Spock. Chekov is longing for Spock, and Spock only sees him as a bright student. *sighs*

Title: Ramifications.
Author: Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.
Characters: Spock, Chekov
Words: 632
Prompt: Extreme Dom!Spock and Innocent!Chekov. Rough sex.
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing: Spock/Chekov
Rating: Adult
Warnings: Language, Sexual Situations, Ponderings.
Summary: Spock pauses to consider the ethics of sex with Chekov.
Author's Note: Chekov is 18.
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It's been over a week since I decided to take a week off. There isn't much to tell about how it went. A few non-writing things have happened. None of them important to the cause, though. Needless to say I feel a little less hectic about the whole thing. Did it give me sudden inspiration? No. I feel as clouded and lost as ever. I suppose that is just a state of normal for me.

It could have gone worse. I probably got off a little easier. Had I been addicted to writing, I would have gone through hell. As it was, I could go for another week without it. Thing is, I am bored. No matter how the lack of feedback might make me feel, I miss being able to dictate how things turn out on paper, so to speak.

Only, what to write? I have no idea. Gotta watch a week's worth of Criminal Minds episodes for TK, though. I hope to have her birthday fic written by next weekend.

Until next post, gueten tag.

I just went through 2000 links on delicious. I hate that site. But, I found some good fics, hopefully. Now my brain is tired. Must go lay down soon. In the mean time, I have another 300 links to go through. Shoot me!

I am back to plotting. I know, I need to wait a week, but my birthday is today. I want to plot. I am so bored.

I know no one will ever read this and respond, so I won't solicit plots for ficlets again. Just a warning, I will be trying to come up with quick ideas.

Shits. Sucks. Monsters. Fun, fun, fun!

Well, it's come down to this.

I don't want to write any more. I am tired of it, I just want to relax and let my brain go fallow for a season.

What does this mean?

For a week I am going to just avoid writing if I can. It is just too much trouble to try because I sit here for hours on end and come up with zip. So, that is it. I am going to avoid writing, and hope that when I get back to it, in a week at the most, I will be reenergized and ready to try it again.

Someone better suited for the job. That was the excuse I just got from Taco Bell. Better suited for an entry level clean up/taco stuffer? Who the fuck is better suited, Jose Lopez? I know you can get an illegal for only a dollar a hour, and it would be authentic mexican too.

Why I do even fucking try? Used to be you could walk in to a fast food joint and they would slap a hat on your ass and put you to work. Now, you've gotta have a fucking degree in civil engineering to operate a spatula! They're hiring kids still in fucking highschool that can't even do the fucking job they're trained to, but someone like me has to have prior experience to operate a washcloth and a mop. Well, asswipes, I do, but even that's not good enough because the last time I got paid for it was 9 years ago.

Those cunts can go fuck themselves, I'm through.

I was waiting for a phone call from a perspective employer. This midday when I awoke, I found the phone had no power. The plug had become partially unplugged thanks to the fucking cat and my gram's dog. It had been that way for possibly a hour. The last time I got a call from this place was just after noon. I got up today at 12:30. Yeah, I am not fucking happy!

Yeah, you know this wouldn't have been a fucking issue is mum had gotten that god damned old phone like I had asked her. It doesn't require a god damned power source, and I can call out even if the power is gone.

In other news, got a call last night from Taco Bell. I go in for an interview tomorrow at 3. It's taken 2 weeks, but I've finally gotten a couple calls. By weeks end, I will probably be still waiting for a job. That's my life.

Now off to EBay to check for old touch-tone phones I can get.

Okay, I had planned on talking about my day and how my feet had killed me. Instead, I am just going to scream like a little girl and do the dance of the wiggins.

Little Background info: About two weeks ago I ran in to a Wheel Bug. It is a giant Assassin Bug that feeds on insects for their liquid insides. How it does that is only part of it's 'charm'. It is over an inch long and looks mighty vicious. It is to anyone who fucks with it, as it can bite the piss out of you. That isn't the freakiest part of it, though. These fuckers look like something out of 'The Mist'.

As anyone who has read my views on 'The Mist' can tell you, the monsters in it scared the hell out of me. I had nightmares of them. I cannot walk out in to a foggy night or morning without thinking twice. (My father was the same way about Fog after seeing the original 'The Fog' 30 years ago).

Anywho, Back to Tonight: I was planning on going to bed earlier, by about 2 and a half hours. Well, I had gone in to my room and fixed my bed. I was going to head to the bathroom to do the usual when I glanced over at the doorway. On the jam behind the door was a wheel bug, a type of giant assassin bug. Now, just the sight of these things is enough to give me the heebie jeebies, but this damned thing was in my room.

In. My. Room.

It had laid eggs on the door jam.

So, naturally, me being the calm person that I am in a freak out inducing situation, I slowly walked past it out the door and went to get the vaccuum cleaner. I got the attachment hose out, sucked up first the bug, then the eggs. That done, I went and got Lysol to spray the doorjam, floor, and the pair of sweats I use to block the light from under the door. I was taking no chances these little things might have avoid being sucked up. Now, I know these things have a good chance of spraying stink, so I went in to the bathroom and cleaned up the excess kitty litter and some from the box with the vaccuum. See, I put bakingsoda in to the litterbox to keep the smell down.

Well, once this was done, I had to wind up the cord on the Dyson. And guess what I saw crawling around in the tank. The little monster had survived. That was it, I was done playing level headed.

After that I went in to the kitchen, grabbed the insecticide, and then went to town on the filter tank, the door jam, my floor, and those sweat pants. Ever since then I've been waiting for the poison smell to dissipate so I can go to bed. I looked up the bug online and found that it doesn't normally attack humans, and only when provoked. God, just to wonder how long it had been in my room and what it might have done to me while I slept even though I know it wouldn't have done anything because it doesn't feed on humans....*shudders*

I don't think I'll get much sleep tonight.

Fucking Stephen King inducing Wheel Bug.

Well, I went in to have a drug test and sign a couple forms. The woman gave me a run down of a couple things would happen if I am hired. I will know on monday if I get the job. Here's hoping.

In the mean while, it has been raining since I got up, which means the world outside is wet and miserable. My gram's dog is here for the weekend. She is going to Branson with her sisters. Oh, joy.


Am considering how to go about my Sanctuary fic. I mean, the prompt is pretty self explanatory, but I am still thinking on it.

I have a few ficlets planned, too, but nothing has happened. My DS9/M7 fic has petered out. I keep starting it and hating what I wrote. Any ideas?

Today, about a hour or so after I posted earlier I got a call for an interview. I have to come in for a drug test/interview tomorrow, and then we'll see. Went out and got 3 pairs of pants that fit from the goodwill just in case. Here's hoping I get a job!

~!~

I finished my Chuck fic, now I have my Sanctuary fic to finish. Yippee.

I put in six applications in last week. I expected to hear something within a few days, considering how many I put in my chances were good.

Not a word. Wonderful.

I love it. Nine years of not a god damned thing. I've been called in on two interviews in all that time. One was upset by lack of work history and people who could vouch for me, but only because she needed someone who could start right away. The other, I can only say I didn't fit the mold she wanted. Because she hired little old ladies and girls younger than me.

Well, this has been such a lovely experience. I don't know why people don't do it more often.

I put in another three applications today. I am hoping to hear something from at least one place.

~~~~

Didn't get a chance to do any writing today as I spent most of the day on the run from store to store. After we got home from grocery shopping, went to my sister's to take her some. I am so tired. Just waiting for the dryer to finish with my bedding so I fix my bed and climb in.

Will write some of my Chuck fic tomorrow when I get up. I hope to have it done by monday.

Oy, am I a little disoriented or what. Granted, it's not as bad as those not-morning people's, but I am still a little fuzzy on the vision and the attitude controls (plane term, not bitchiness), so I'm a little wobbly.

Anyone want to fill me in on what is going on in their world? I haven't heard from anybody in so long I've lost touch with my empathy.

Me: I'm working the early side of life, the 12 am - 4 pm shift until yesterday and today when I added two and a half hours to both. Went out and filled out three applications Tuesday. One to a local grocer, one to taco bell, and one to arby's. I don't believe I am going to get a job as they have not contacted me. Made a mistake on one application that I later corrected. Mixed-up the numbers on my SS code, and that was a big no-no. Got it fixed, though. Yesterday I went and had my hair cut. The last time I had that done was last June. I look the butch, but I've been feeling it lately, so who gives a rat's ass?

As for writing, I didn't get much done on my Chuck fic, but I did start it. That is more than I can say for anything else. Will be working on that a lot today.

Well, done rambling, gotta get the trash out. Toodles.

See, there was a reason I stopped posting my shit to all these groups, lists, communities, and archives. I wasn't getting feedback, or when I was, it was the kind that made you really wish you could strangle someone with the Force.

Lately? None.

Before that. Sporadically. Before that, I got some good feedback for a short burst.

Without it, I don't feel like it is worth the effort to write. Yeah, I'm kinda dependent upon it for my self esteem, then again, who isn't? Admit it, we don't write just because it is a story we would like to see done. If that was the case, we wouldn't share it with others.

I'm just miffed that I'm not getting any for the stories I spent a lot of time on. My lastest fic I'm posting doesn't really count, I guess, because the characters are a little OOC because of the x-over. It's the fics I wrote before that and posted that I'm pissed over.

So, if you read something, and you like it, for the love of god, leave some feedback. I'm certain there are thousands of authors just like me out there waiting to get a compliment or two so they can dredge up enough will power to keep from deleting all their fics, discontinuing their internet service, and taking a vow of poverty.